Thursday, May 3, 2012

A Thank You to My Ex










Have you ever loved someone so much, and when things didn't work out you wondered where YOU went wrong? Did you ask, "Why doesn't he (or she) want to be with me?" "What did I do wrong?" Did you think that once things ended with them you'd never find someone as good as them or you'd never find love again?


This was me last year. I was with someone for 8 months, and the warning signs were there in the early stages of our relationship telling me I should get out but I ignored them. To make a long story short, I got tired of feeling last. I knew I'd never be first because of his children, but I never, ever wanted to FEEL last. So, I said goodbye, and then I regretted it almost immediately.  I practically begged him to come back, but he refused. My ego was bruised big time. I cried every night for a couple of months. I asked myself "Why didn't he fight for me?"
"What's wrong with ME?" Even after I entered a new relationship these questions haunted me in the beginning. It wasn't fair to the new man in my life either, who from the beginning gave me the attention I craved. He has a son, but not once have I felt I'm less important. I sure was a mess last year!



Fast forward to this year. Since I've begun my weight loss journey as I call it, I've come to realize that there is NOTHING wrong with me. Ok, so maybe I do need some fine tuning, but what I'm trying to say is just because he didn't want to be with me forever it doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It doesn't mean that I'm not a fantastic person. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve the best. The breakup wasn't all on me. I did what I had to do because I DO deserve total devotion and happiness. I AM a beautiful person that doesn't need to settle. Most of all, it's HIS loss, and not mine. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but I can say with confidence now, that when he let me walk out of his life, he was missing out. Look how far I've come. I'm not just losing weight, I'm gaining confidence. I've talked about this before. How hot is it to have a pretty woman next to you that not only loves you, but loves and believes in herself? I was a defeated, beat down, and emotional mess last June. Today I am strong. I am beautiful. I want to thank my ex for not taking me back because for one I found someone wonderful who CAN love me the way I need and deserve, and for two, I realize I don't have to settle and accept everything. I'm not afraid to speak up if I'm unhappy. The old Tamara would have just kept her mouth shut or kept crying. That crybaby has left the building. 

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