It's Ok to Be a Weight Watcher

It’s ok if you see me with a donut.  I am going to track it and make sure that I get in some activity to work it off.

It’s ok if I talk about food.  Better to talk about it than eat too much of it.

It’s ok that I track everything and tell you about the points value.  You don’t have to listen, but it means a lot if you do.

It’s ok that I gain a ½ pound after working hard all week.  My pants now need a belt, so I am doing something right.

It’s ok if I pass on that cheeseburger.  I’ve eaten too many of them, obviously.

It’s ok if I don’t pass on that cheeseburger, either.  They are delicious, juicy, mouth-watering…I better stop.

It’s ok if it I lose weight at a slower rate than you do.  It’s a slow process, but there is progress nonetheless.

It’s ok if I have to just sit down and veg out. I listen to my body.

It’s ok if you think that Weight Watchers is some kind of cult, or it’s just a bunch of people who talk about their feelings regarding food.  It’s ok, because they are there to support me, whether I lose or gain a pound.  My leader and the members there know the struggle, and they understand me.  They don’t judge.

It’s ok that I am proud to be a Weight Watcher, who celebrates even the smallest victories.  They keep me motivated.

It’s ok if you want to follow this journey of mine. I know it’s so cliché, but I can’t think of any other way to put it, and that’s ok, too. I hope you are there when I reach my destination. 

It’s ok for me to believe I will succeed!

You're More than Just a Number

What does a successful weight loss look like to you? Is it getting on the scale and seeing a smaller number? Is it that moment when you realize that you are no longer a “plus size’? Does it mean you get to go on a shopping spree in your own closet because there are several pairs of jeans that now fit?

I have found that success comes in a lot of ways, such as those listed above. There are scale victories and then there are non-scale victories. Of course it is great to get on a scale and see a smaller number, but we get so caught up and focused on that number that we don’t see the other changes that have occurred as a result of our efforts. I haven’t lost a lot of weight, (yet) but I am feeling better. My pants loose and I have tops that are loose as well. I find that I can walk right by the sweets when I’m at the store. I CAN say no. Sometimes I say yes, and that’s ok, because I track it. I fit it into my plan. My behaviors have changed. The way I look at food has changed. Others are taking notice, too.

I’m not saying the scale doesn’t matter, but don’t make it the only thing that determines whether or not you are successful. If you aren’t taking notice, I am sure someone is. Listen to the positive feedback. Celebrate that! Celebrate your non-scale victories. Share your story. Believe it or not, someone may need some encouragement and may be inspired to see someone working so hard to change. 

But I Don't Want to Put on My Big Girl Panties!

I think I can speak for my friends when I say that it feels good to have a new pair of panties, especially when they match your bra. I see ads for cute bra and panty sets all the time, and the models are always built just right, and they're smiling seductively and they know they look good.  Let's face it, if I put on a cute set, I don't look even close to the model on the tags or in the ads I see. I wish I could tell you that I can look at myself and be proud, but I see all the lumps and bumps and I hate it. I got my myself in this position, and if you read my last blog, you know that I am trying to change that. 

I know that I should love myself the way I look, but let's get real-I have too much on my body to love, too much that could potentially be life threatening. I admit, I have some vanity. I know that I am pretty, but I'd like the body to look as good as the face. I want to go to Victoria Secret with confidence, knowing I can find a sexy bra and panty set that will fit me. I want to be able to get ready for work in the morning in just my bra and panties without feeling self conscious about all the extra flesh hanging out and about. I want to feel like I can get on a pole and look sexy instead of silly. Wait, did I really just say I want to pole dance? Ok, back to the point. I know my man loves me, wobbily bits  and all, so my wanting to get healthier has nothing to do with how he feels about me. I know that there are plenty of men out there who appreciate voluptuous ladies like me. I know they feel like they need "something to hold on to", but I see nothing wrong with having a little less to hold.


Speaking of less, let's go back to panties. I know that there are sexy underwear for people in my size, but it usually means I have to go to Lane Bryant, Fredericks of Hollywood, or a major department store, and thanks to my extra weight, the panties cost extra money.  I was at Walmart last night and was checking out all the underwear choices and I saw all the cutesy boy shorts, thongs, low rise panties, etc. When I got to my size, I swear it was mostly larger "you aren't getting any" panties. It was a little ,depressing. With a heavy heart I have to confess I had to go with the "you aren't getting any" briefs. However, I have to admit, they are pretty comfy. They will have to do for now. 

I may not love my body for how it is, but I do love me. And because I love myself I will do what I can to get healthier and into smaller panties of course. Hopefully thongs will still be in style when I reach my goal. :-)

Get Busy!

What motivates you to lose weight? Do you have a wedding you want to attend and want to fit into a dress size that you haven't been in since you were 13? Are you trying to do this crash diet to get to your ideal weight within 3 weeks? Is it true that after a week of  practically starving yourself you will be walking through the dress section of your favorite store with a box of Girl Scout cookies, almost in tears because you are tired of paying extra money for extra fabric? 
Why do you do this to yourself? I have known a lot of people, myself included, who have tried these "crash" diets that promise fast results only to be disappointed in the end because the weight comes back on. There has to be some effort to keep the weight off. If you have just a few pounds to lose, by all means drink that cabbage juice 3 times a day. You might be on the toilet all day, but you might just get into those jeans you used to rock like you did that mullet back in the day. 

I'd rather play it safe and make lifestyle changes. It's seem so easy-exercise, balanced meals, sleep, no stress-but it takes hard work and committed. I have stopped and started to get back on track so many times I lost count. I haven't tried crash diets. In fact, I haven't tried much at all. I did get excited there for a minute, was exercising and posting my "sweat pics" for my friends in our Facebook weight loss group, but then I lost my steam. I got depressed, stressed, tired, and just gave up. I turned to my comfort foods, and decided that I wanted to see just how wide my ass could get. Now I am seeing and feeling how much I have hurt myself. I am even more tired, stressed, and depressed because I am not doing anything to make it better. I miss the high that I got from exercise. I had less headaches, I needed less coffee, I had more pep in my step. Now to add to the emotional downfalls of not exercising my heartburn made a comeback. I haven't had regular heartburn since 2008 when I was at my highest weight of 250 pounds. When I was walking the trash up to the dumpster the other night that was the last straw. The trek to the dumpster is a small one with a tiny incline. Two years ago I walked up there with no issue. The other night I was panting like I had tried to climb Mt. Everest. I have friends that can run a 5k with no problem. I walked up a damn hill and felt like I overdid it. That is a damn shame and it's time I do something about it. 

I know, you've heard this song and dance before. I am not going to lie, I am sure there will be more stops and starts, but the point is to start, and not give up. I can't sit here and feel sorry for myself if I am not doing something about it. My dad has one leg now due to complications from his diabetes. My mom has had surgery to put stents in to help her heart. I am always afraid of losing them. I don't want my kids and boyfriend to worry about my health and worry about losing me. I can't be another statistic. I refuse. I can't continue to watch My 600 Pound Life while eating cheese fries. 

What is going to motivate me? Life. I want to live a healthier and longer life. 
I will end with a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption:
"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'."

What's Your Excuse?

"I'm too tired."
"I don't have enough time."
"The kids need me."
"I can't afford to go to the gym."

Do any of these sound familiar to you? These are some of the common reasons (excuses) that people use to not work out. How do I know them? Because I have used every single one of those excuses and probably some more creative ones like "I don't want my boyfriend to see my wobbly bits bouncing all over the place."

Right now the excuse of the month for me is "I'm too tired." Hmm, I wonder why? Well, right now it's nearing 11 p.m. as I am typing this. I need to get up and get ready for work at 5:45. If I go to bed soon, I can get almost 7 hours of sleep. Last night I went to bed close to midnight. Today I had a fast food breakfast, fast food lunch and leftover pizza for dinner that we had last night. We were supposed to go out to dinner last night, but we were too tired. I wish we had, because between last night and tonight I polished off an entire pizza by myself. Now I feel super bloated and surprise-TIRED!
I am making myself tired. I come home, clean, cook, and spend time with my family. That doesn't make me tired. It's the crap I'm putting in my mouth and the late nights. If I were treating my body right, I could come home, work out, and still have time to make a good meal for my family and clean. Plus, I'd be tired enough after to get to bed earlier.

 Sounds so simple, doesn't it? It's because it is. I am my own obstacle. Chances are, you're getting in your own way, too. Basically, if you want something bad enough you go for it. I was looking at the Team Beachbody message boards and this member talked about how his wife, who has multiple sclerosis and is in a wheelchair had success with P90x. This made me feel ashamed. I can walk, I have no debilitating diseases, and this woman with MS completed one of the hardest workout programs out there! I am tired of getting in my own way. I'm telling you, stop getting in your own way! There is a way to fit in just a few minutes of exercise. There is a way to eat healthier, even if you are on a budget. Do your research! The next time you find yourself coming up with an excuse not to work out, think of that woman with MS. Think of all the other success stories you hear.
It's important to be honest and tell you that I started this entry 2 nights ago. Guess what? I was too tired to finish it.

I'm going to start an excuse jar, kind of like a swear jar.  Every time I find myself making an excuse to not exercise or make an excuse to eat the sundae I just had, I'll put in a quarter. Let's see if I can keep from filling it. Stay tuned!

 

Cheater!

I started writing this blog 3 years ago because my dad's declining health scared me enough to make some changes. Well, in 3 years I could have reached my goal, but I'm now 10 pounds away from my starting weight. I've tried several weight loss methods. What I tried didn't fail. I failed! Weight Watchers has been the most successful for me by far. I lost 42 pounds. I also completed the Focus T-25 program from Team Beachbody. Well, what happened?

I became a slave to food again. I began eating when I was bored, stressed, tired, etc. I started eating just because someone else did. I also stopped exercising. Mix bad food choices with a sedentary lifestyle and you get one tired, bloated, crabby woman. My headaches came back daily, when they were almost absent while I was actively trying to lose weight.

I have no issues eating healthy. I love to eat healthy. I just need to stop making excuses to have the carbs and sugar. I need to stop saying, "I'll start again tomorrow." Someone told me "Everyone needs a cheat day." No you don't! When you cheat on a program, you cheat yourself. You're adding extra fat, sugar, or wherever else to work off. Why do that to yourself? I have cheated myself for years. I've cheated myself out of smaller clothes. I've cheated myself out of more productive days off because I'm too tired and lazy. No more cheating! I am tired of wasting time. I keep starting over and over again. My dad doesn't get to start over. Due to complications from his diabetes he lost a leg. I want to keep my limbs and my life!

How will I do that? By exercising some self control & limiting my sugar intake. Writing out grocery lists and sticking to them. Most importantly, if I do slip, I won't put myself down, because that will just lead me to feel sorry for myself and say "What the hell?" and eat some more.

I want to inspire others to succeed. That won't happen if I keep cheating. No one likes a cheater!

Courage

It takes courage to admit when you have a problem. Some may see it as a sign of weakness if you can't handle issues on your own. They prefer to fight their battles alone. When it comes to the battle of the bulge, I'm declaring war.

I’m tired of being scared of how my life is going to turn out if I don’t make changes. Making changes and having a healthier lifestyle is not easy. The weight did not come on overnight and it certainly will not come off overnight either. Like it or not, there are no quick fixes.

Too many people give up because they don’t see results quickly enough.

It’s not just about having discipline. It takes courage. Courage to hang in there when your 35 year old friend with metabolism of a teenager wolfs down 3 donuts while you pretend that the gluten-free toast with manufactured eggs and non-dairy cheese is THE best thing ever. It takes courage to eat that bag of chips while binge watching The Walking Dead, get on the scale at your weekly weigh in AND own up to the fact that the gain is YOUR fault. It takes even more courage to NOT do that again. Most of all, when it seems like you have no support system, when people are making fun of you with your tracker, laughing at your “weird foods”, and even tempting you with foods you are trying to avoid it takes courage to keep going. Remember why you started to lose weight in the first place. It’s about you, first and foremost. YOUR health. YOUR well-being. You are brave. You started this journey that too many people are too scared or proud to admit that they need to take. I wish you safe travels and success.