All Aboard the Weight Loss Train!

Well, I'm happy to report that I am almost 11 pounds away from my next big goal. When I lose those 11 pounds I'll have lost 20% of my starting weight. I've lost 33.4 pounds so far! I'm not only under 200 pounds, but I'm under 190 pounds. I have not been under 190 since 1994. I still have a long way to go, however. 

I'm excited that some family members and friends have joined Weight Watchers! My oldest daughter joined, so did my cousin, his wife, 2 friends, and now another is considering it. Another good friend of mine is doing her own thing. She's even trying to step out of her comfort zone and get outdoors more and to the gym. She has agoraphobia, so it's rare that she goes out in public. She recently went out without her husband, which was a big accomplishment. I'm very proud of her! She's not only trying to change her lifestyle, she's trying to overcome her fears. I'm not sure if her recent weight loss has been an inspiration, but no matter what, it's good to see her doing so well. 

That same friend suggested I start my own weight loss group on Facebook. That's what I did! There are a few of us that share our ideas, concerns, vent, and we share recipes, too. Most of all we do what we can to motivate each other and keep things positive. I'm starting to feel like I could really be a role model. This group has helped me realize that I'm capable of being a good leader if I push my doubts and fears aside. People are actually willing to listen to me. It feels good to be heard! 

I'm 4'11". I'm what you call "vertically challenged". I want it to be known though, that since I've lost this weight, I've gained so much confidence, support and love. With all that, I feel like the tallest woman in the world. 

I love Myself!

No, I'm not full of myself or conceited. I really love myself. It took some time for me to feel this way. I've looked at myself for years and thought that I have a pretty face, BUT I'm fat. I have a pretty face, BUT I have a big butt, etc. Today, there are no BUTS! I still have a butt, though, lol!! Seriously though, even if I'm still a work in progress, I can look at myself and like and accept what I see. I have pretty eyes, a nice smile, and my body is starting to show my natural curves that have been hidden under fat. I like taking pictures of myself, because I like what I'm seeing these days. I have many pounds to go before I reach my weight loss goal, however, if I didn't have the confidence I do now I wouldn't be losing weight. Negativity gets me nowhere. Saying I'm a fat slob just provides the opposite results and sends me diving into the refrigerator for comfort food. I've had to tell myself that I AM a beautiful person that is worthy of love and who can accomplish anything and that positive self talk is working. 

I encourage anyone who needs to lose some weight to think about the reasons you want to lose the weight. Is it because someone else (besides a doctor) is telling you to lose weight? Is someone telling you that you're ugly, fat, etc? Do you see other women or men and compare yourself to them? Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Do it for you and your health. Do it because you want live a longer healthier life. If someone in your life is being a negative influence, maybe they don't deserve to be around you. Consider dropping those negative people and I bet the pounds will come off faster. 

Celebrate each success. When you lose that first 5 pounds do something for yourself that's not related to food. Get a pedicure, buy a top, or something else you've had your eye on. Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF! Don't beat yourself up. Be good to both your body and spirit. 

Confessions of an Emotional Eater

I'd like to say that this blog entry is like the rest: full of inspiration and gung ho advice about weight loss and exercise, but it's not. It's about how I have totally fallen off the wagon this past week. 

I started a new job. I love it. I've met lots of new people, my trainer was great, and customers have been so patient and understanding of the newbie ringing up their groceries. Every night (except tonight) I've gone home emotionally and physically drained. I haven't had the energy to go to Zumba class, or even to cook. I did, however cook twice I think. I also went to a Body Plus Abs class, which entailed step aerobics and weights. After I left that class I remember feeling so sore, yet so accomplished. Then things just went downhill after that. 

I found myself eating McDonald's, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, sweet and sour chicken-just a bunch of crap! Last night I was making these buffalo burgers from a recipe I got at www.skinnytaste.com. The recipe called for 100% LEAN buffalo meat and I thought that's what I had, but I had grabbed one that said it was 100% Buffalo. That meant the points value of my meal skyrocketed. I figured since I'd already blown it, I may as well eat more tortilla chips with guacamole dip, so I did. I think that even later that evening I had more. This morning I went to breakfast and had corned beef hash, stuffed hash browns, eggs and toast. Believe me, I felt SO disgusted after that meal. My tummy hurt for hours, and I felt weighed down, just like all the other meals. 

When I think back to each crappy meal I had, there was some emotion associated with each one. Take for instance, breakfast. I was frustrated at my boyfriend's son for leaving a dish full of cereal in the sink. When I had the extra chips and dip last night, I was upset I had gotten the wrong meat and figured what the hell? When I got the burger from McDonald's, I was hungry, yet I was feeling really happy about my new job. There is not always a negative emotion to trigger someone like me to eat. 

I thought I had broken this cycle. I've come to realize, however, that it's going to take more time. I'm still a rookie when it comes to having a healthier lifestyle. I really hadn't beaten myself up about all of this until today. I wasn't calling myself names, but I was telling myself I know better! My tummy has been aching a bit all day. That's punishment enough. No need for me to add the negative self talk.

How am I going to get out of this funk? Well, I just have to keep reminding myself why I started this journey-I want to live a longer, healthier life. I've come so far and I can't blow it. I have to start tracking my meals again and STOP making excuses. 

It's time to stop messing around, and kick ass and take initials because I have no time to take names!

A Thank You to My Ex

Have you ever loved someone so much, and when things didn't work out you wondered where YOU went wrong? Did you ask, "Why doesn't he (or she) want to be with me?" "What did I do wrong?" Did you think that once things ended with them you'd never find someone as good as them or you'd never find love again?


This was me last year. I was with someone for 8 months, and the warning signs were there in the early stages of our relationship telling me I should get out but I ignored them. To make a long story short, I got tired of feeling last. I knew I'd never be first because of his children, but I never, ever wanted to FEEL last. So, I said goodbye, and then I regretted it almost immediately.  I practically begged him to come back, but he refused. My ego was bruised big time. I cried every night for a couple of months. I asked myself "Why didn't he fight for me?"
"What's wrong with ME?" Even after I entered a new relationship these questions haunted me in the beginning. It wasn't fair to the new man in my life either, who from the beginning gave me the attention I craved. He has a son, but not once have I felt I'm less important. I sure was a mess last year!


Fast forward to this year. Since I've begun my weight loss journey as I call it, I've come to realize that there is NOTHING wrong with me. Ok, so maybe I do need some fine tuning, but what I'm trying to say is just because he didn't want to be with me forever it doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It doesn't mean that I'm not a fantastic person. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve the best. The breakup wasn't all on me. I did what I had to do because I DO deserve total devotion and happiness. I AM a beautiful person that doesn't need to settle. Most of all, it's HIS loss, and not mine. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but I can say with confidence now, that when he let me walk out of his life, he was missing out. Look how far I've come. I'm not just losing weight, I'm gaining confidence. I've talked about this before. How hot is it to have a pretty woman next to you that not only loves you, but loves and believes in herself? I was a defeated, beat down, and emotional mess last June. Today I am strong. I am beautiful. I want to thank my ex for not taking me back because for one I found someone wonderful who CAN love me the way I need and deserve, and for two, I realize I don't have to settle and accept everything. I'm not afraid to speak up if I'm unhappy. The old Tamara would have just kept her mouth shut or kept crying. That crybaby has left the building.