Time to Stop Being a Follower and Become a Leader

I mentioned in a previous blog entry about how my weight loss has made me more confident. I'm walking with my head held high, I smile a lot more, etc. I've mentioned several times that I aspire to be a Zumba instructor once I've lost 20% of my starting weight. Well, I think it's time I raise the bar a bit. 


Several people have told me that I've inspired or motivated them in some way to start eating better, or exercising. A couple of my friends actually joined Weight Watchers. I find myself trying to coach my oldest daughter a little bit, and my other half, too, instead of nagging him about his eating, lol. In training for my new job today I was telling the girl sitting next to me about Weight Watchers. This has all got me thinking lately: Why not become a leader myself? Well, one reason is I'm not at goal yet. It's understandable that the company won't hire me yet until I can be a living example of how the program works. The other reason is my fear of public speaking. I LOVE speaking to people and meeting new people. However, I hate speaking in front of groups. I turn red. It passes, but I'd like to start off not looking like a lobster. I have plenty of time to work on that fear. I have 70 pounds to go before I reach my goal weight. If I average 2 pounds a week, I can reach that goal in almost 9 months. I think that's enough time to get prepared. I suppose I can read some books on the subject of public speaking, or perhaps take a class. No matter what, I need to work on it.


I love my leader, Debbie. She's enthusiastic, driven, encouraging, and she's loud! She's like me. I want to be in her shoes. I want to get people excited about achieving their goals. I want to make a difference. 


Besides being a mother, I can't think of anything more rewarding than helping to change the lives of others for the better. 

Missing Puzzle Piece

This weight loss journey of mine has brought on so many changes. Obviously there is the physical change, but there has been a change from the inside as well. I find that I'm more optimistic. Even when things don't go my way, I have an upbeat attitude. Like always, I have a smile on my face, but these days, I actually FEEL the smile-I'm not faking it. 

There is something else I've noticed. I have more confidence. I walk with my head up, and if I'm getting a second look from someone, I don't look down at my shoes. I look that person in the eyes and smile. I've found my confidence again. One recent example of this was my 2nd job interview with my new employer.

Before I went to the interview, I was nervous, but on the drive there I keep saying positive things out loud. "You've got this!" "You can do it". I don't know what happened to the nerves. Maybe it was my new boss and her assistant who seemed laid back, but I answered every question without hesitation. I even made them laugh. I maintained eye contact. I even told them about my weight loss and how I want to become a Zumba instructor when I reach one of my weight loss goals. My new boss asked the final question, "Why should we hire you?" I didn't give the standard cliche' answers. I simply said this, "Because I'm your missing puzzle piece." I said it with confidence, not arrogance, and I smiled. She and her assistant loved that response. I was offered the job on the spot. 

I credit my weight loss to this resurrected confidence. I'm doing my best to handle all situations just like I do with this weight loss-with determination, and a CAN DO attitude. I love what losing weight has done for me. I hope that you'll continue to stay with me and celebrate my success. Thanks for reading. 

A New and Improved Tamara

This morning I couldn't make it to my Weight Watchers meeting because my child is ill, so I decided to go this evening. I was going to chicken out and skip the scale and just go to meeting, but decided to face the music and put my big girl panties on and deal with it.(FYI, them "big girl panties" aren't so big anymore!) I gained 2.4 pounds last week. Now my leader said that a person's weight can fluctuate somewhere between 2 and 3 pounds before morning and evening, but I know I gained something. I was not tracking everything last week. There were a couple days when I really was a chowhound. Take yesterday for example. Yesterday was the last day of tax season, which meant it was my last day until next year at H&R Block. Our office had a potluck. There was pizza, tater tot casserole, chips, dips, hummus, and Baklava. Every chance I could get I was running back to the break room to munch on something. Today the scale reflected that. 


The old Tamara would have been pissing and moaning about it. The new Tamara, however, knows where I went wrong. I knew what was coming. I didn't even have the nerve to be disappointed because I KNEW I had gained those 2.4 pounds with no one else's help but my own. That was my moment today. I didn't get upset, didn't call myself a failure, I didn't get down on myself. I just said, "Oh well". I'm proud of myself for accepting this little setback and not making a huge deal of it. I know I will do better next week. And in a couple of weeks I'll have lost 30 pounds. Stay tuned!

Another Little Milestone Reached!

Today I got my award for losing 25 pounds. Well, it's actually 26.4 pounds now! I was so excited to get my key chain last week, and it was awesome to be able to add my first charm to it this week. That thing is going with me every where. When I feel myself about ready to cave and eat a big fat juicy burger, or some french fries with cheese, I'm going to reach into my pocket, and touch my key chain. It's going to be there to remind me that I've come so far, and there is no looking back. I'm tired of being the fat girl. I'm tired of shopping in the plus size section. Shoot, I'm tired of being tired! 


I admit, it feels great to get recognized for achieving my goals, but lately I've gotten comments from friends that meant more to me than these weight loss awards I've received. I've been told that seeing my posts (on Facebook) motivates one friend to want to do better, and another said that she's sure I'll "push her over the edge soon" to start dieting. Of course I mentioned to her that what I'm doing is not a diet, but a lifestyle change. Another friend of mine joined Weight Watchers just last week. She's full of questions, and I'm there to answer when I can. I feel kind of like a mentor. THAT is rewarding to me-to be able to inspire and motivate others to make positive changes in their lives. One reason I talk so much about my journey and successes along the way is not to just get some recognition and encouragement, but to motivate others who might be struggling with weight loss or who need that little push. 


Just a little update on where I am towards reaching my goals. I have to lose 7 pounds to have a 15% weight loss and 17 pounds to reach 20%. Once I reach 15% I'm either getting a tattoo or nose piercing. When I reach 20% I'll take a Zumba certification course. As usual I'll keep you posted. Thanks for reading!

Time to Celebrate! Before and After Pics and Updated Stats!

Well folks the moment I was waiting for finally arrived-I finally have lost 10% of my starting weight. It was awesome.

When my leader weighed me I learned that I not only reached my 10% weight loss goal, I was for the first time in years under 200 pounds. It was an emotional moment. I cried a little, did a happy dance and hugged my leader. I got recognition in front of the rest of the group at meeting. It felt so good to get cheered on for my accomplishments. That was more rewarding than the nice charm holder I got. 

My leader set my next goal, which is 20% of my starting weight. I have 19 pounds to get there. I've mentioned it before, and it's worth mentioning again: Once I reach 20% I WILL take the Zumba certification class. I want to be an instructor. I WILL be an instructor!

I'm feeling pretty good, and I know that things will get even better if I keep doing what I've been doing. 

Updated stats and pics below:

Starting weight: 222.8

Today's weight: 198.4

Starting waist measurement: 43 inches

Today's measurement: 39 inches

Starting hip measurement: 53 inches

Today's measurement: 49 inches

These are before and after. The pictures on the left in each set are from January 17, 2012. The pictures on the right are from March 27, 2012. I see a difference, and FEEL a difference as well. I'm so thankful to have Weight Watchers! 

Time to Face the Fact: I Have Anxiety

Thursday, March 22, 2012 started out like every other day. I battled with my 8 year old to get out of bed and get dressed for school. I got showered and ready for work. Everything was the norm, until I suddenly got dizzy and broke out in a cold sweat. The apartment was not hot. It was just me. I told Paris, my 8 year old, that I didn't feel well and felt really dizzy. She told me not to drive. I shrugged off her suggestion and drove her to school anyway. Although it's only a little over a mile round trip, it was the longest mile ever to me. I was still sweating and had to roll down the window, even though it was in the 30's that morning. After I dropped her off and headed toward work, I had to pull over because I felt like I was going to black out. Why didn't I listen to my little one?

I made it home and then I began to cry, because I was very scared. I was so dizzy that I had to lie down, and I couldn't even move. I sent my boss a message letting her know I would not be able to make it in that day. Then I started to cry, because I felt so panicked. My chest began to hurt. It felt like someone was sitting on it. I was advised to call 911. The fire department was at my home before I got off of the phone with dispatch. They determined I was not suffering a heart attack, however, I was still freaked out and panicked, so I had my boyfriend take me to the emergency room. The whole way there I cried and kept apologizing for him having to leave work, which got me even more upset and caused more dizziness and pain.

I was checked in immediately, blood was drawn, I was given an EKG and X-ray and given Ativan to calm my nerves. All the tests and blood work came back fine. They could not determine the cause of my chest pain. My initial thought was that the pain meds I started taking to cope with my ovarian cyst pain were causing side effects, but I was ill for 2 days after this incident. I think that I started to get sick, and getting dizzy while driving sent me into a panic attack. I've dealt with anxiety in the past and had to take medicine, but asked to be weaned from it because I refused to be another statistic, someone that has to pop pills to be a "happy person". I've had small attacks of anxiety here and there, but it was nothing like I experienced Thursday. I think it's time to face the fact that I have this issue and may need medication to cope. Exercise is a good way to deal with it, but I can't exercise 24 hours a day. I have insurance now, so I can't use that as an excuse either. I am on the right track physically in making myself better. It's time I get better psychologically as well. I fear that if I don't, I may slip back into my old habits and gain weight again that I've worked so hard to lose. 

 Am I embarrassed to have this problem? Sure, but I need to get over myself and stop thinking I don't need help, especially if it's available to me. It doesn't make me crazy, unreliable, less of a mom or less of a friend. I'm still the same Tamara everyone knows and loves. I just need a little fine tuning is all. I know I'll be just fine. Stay tuned!

So.Very..CLOSE!

Today I had my weigh in and although I haven't reached my 10% weight loss goal, I lost a pound and still have .4 to go before I finally reach 10%. It's not as easy as I thought! Of course if I'd exercised more, tracked EVERYTHING, and stopped eating late at night I've had met that goal. It's ok. I've lost 21.6 pounds since January 4th. It's been a slow, but steady loss and I'm still happy. My clothes are loose, bras are loose, I feel better, and my blood work from my last checkup showed my cholesterol was normal. I'm in higher spirits, too. 
I find myself being less of a Negative Nancy and more like a female version of Tony Robbins, lol!


My other half and I put in our rental applications today for a bigger apartment. The apartment is lovely. I know we'll love loving there. However, I'm more excited about the basketball court. It's large and I was told it can be used for games and such. I was more excited about using the gym to teach Zumba classes. Yes, that's right, Zumba. When I lose 20% of my starting weight I'm going to take the course to become a certified Zumba instructor. It will cost close to $300 to take the one day class, HOWEVER, I'll be certified for a year, can get a discount on Zumba gear, and I can get a job teaching classes. I'd love to start with giving free classes in the gym at that apartment complex until I get comfortable in front of groups. 


That's all for now. I just wanted to say that although I still haven't hit my 10%, I'm still feeling great, and I'm not giving up. I've got this!