Non Scale Victories-Pictures, too!

I haven't posted in a bit because I've been busy, and unfortunately have had some stressful days and the scale reflected just how much I've been stressing. I fell back into bad habits, making food my friend. However, I've snapped out of that for the most part, and I've been trying hard to get back on track.


I've had some things to celebrate. I am able to wear misses size clothes. I discovered this a few weeks ago when I went shopping with my friend. She was pushing me away from the plus size section. I found some jeans in a size 16 misses that were a great price. I tried them on and was skeptical. To me, my thighs looked kind of big. I think it was that self talk I've been so used to all this time. I had to step out of the fitting room and look in the larger mirror outside the door. One of the fitting room attendants stopped and exclaimed, "Those look REALLY good on you. I wouldn't just say that, either. Really good!" I took another look at myself and then explained to her that I've been in plus sized clothes for so long and it was hard to believe I could fit into these jeans. Then I started to cry. They were happy tears, of course.
Another thing to celebrate is my shrinking bra size. I'm now a 38DD. If I wanted I could go to Victoria's Secret and get bras. Oh, and I had to add holes to my belt! So, when the scale is not moving in the direction I want it to go, I have to remind myself that I am making progress. The scale is not the only thing to determine my success! 


The biggest non scale victory for me is hearing my 8 year old tell me I look skinnier. You know how kids are. They are painfully honest. She's never hesitated to tell me if I look big. She always tells me now that I look pretty. If I start to say I look fat in something, she stops me. If I eat something that isn't the best for me, she reminds me that I may exceed my daily points plus values. There are times that I am horrified and embarrassed by the things she says, but these days if it means helping me stay on track, I'm forgiving. 


Take a look at the pics below. These are me in my MISSES jeans. 

The Next Time You Eat That Donut...

It's been awhile. I'd like to say that I've been too successful in my weight loss to write, but that's not the case. The fact is, I'm tired. I'm working full time, I'm on my feet a lot, and when I get home, I eat and rest. Therefore, I'm still losing, but it's at a very slow pace, because I'm not trying hard to make it happen. Until today I had stopped tracking, stopped exercising and wasn't getting enough sleep.


That all changed today at the weekly weigh in. I lost .6. So if the scale measures in tenths, that's 3/5 of a pound. I can do so much better than this. I was happy to have a lost, considering what I've eaten lately, but it was admitting that I ate donuts that made me realize I've really fallen off the wagon lately. When I confessed I ate them, I may not have shown it, but I was ashamed. At the time I ate the donuts, I was back to the old Tamara. I didn't just have one, I looked around, made sure no one was coming and grabbed a second one. By the way, these were provided courtesy of my work. That first donut went down too quickly. It was soft, gooey, and perfect. I didn't even bother to calculate the points on these donuts until now.  One medium size glazed donut is 7 pp. Remember I had two of them. That's 14. I get 26 daily points. I ate over half my daily allowance. What's even more disturbing is the nutritional breakdown. I did some Googling and according to one site I found one donut has 255 whopping calories and 12 grams of fat among other things. Eek!

I had the nerve to scoff at the person who had only taken half of a donut. Me! What am I, some expert just because I've lost 33.6 pounds? Absolutely not! Today's meeting was about questioning if the points in something you want is worth it. If I had actually taken the time to look up this info before I consumed TWO donuts, I honestly think I would have allowed myself half of one. I love donuts. It only takes a few bites to satisfy whatever craving it is I have. I wish I could explain what came over me. Maybe the fact that they were free gave me that excuse. I haven't purchased any, so that tells you right there that I didn't want them bad enough. 


A coworker of mine recently told me that she's using me as a motivator to help achieve her weight loss goals. The girl is going to gym for 3-4 hours at a time! She's eating better. It's already showing. There is no freaking way that I'm going to be an inspiration to anyone if I'm sitting back popping donuts like they're crack. It's time to light that fire under my butt again. Anyone have a match?

Feeling Effects of NOT Being Active (Plus Weight Loss Progression Photos)

I've been working very hard. I worked at H&R Block this past tax season where I was mostly on my feet as I was a receptionist, but there was a chair where I could sit, too. At my current job, there is no chair in which to sit. I'm a cashier, and I am constantly moving, reaching, bending, talking, etc. I'm very exhausted at the end of my shift, and most nights when I come home I don't get to sit down right away unless I use the toilet, lol. I have an 8 year old that needs my attention, there is cooking to do, and maybe some cleaning as well. After that's all done, and I've gotten my child to bed, I play on the internet for awhile and go to bed-late. I get maybe 6 hours of sleep, wake up a few minutes later than I intended, so I'm rushing to get myself ready for work and my child ready for school. 


Now I'm sick. I have a nasty cold with some chest and nasal congestion, sinus headache and a cough. I feel miserable, yet the show must go on. I HAVE to go to work, because I don't get paid time off yet. This is the 3rd time in the last month I've gotten sick. I've had tummy issues twice, and now this. I think I know why-lack of exercise. 


Sure, there is repetitious movement in my job, but it's not enough to get my heart rate going. I need Zumba, step aerobics or kick boxing. So the question is, when can I fit that in my busy schedule? The answer is in the morning. Many years ago I worked out in the morning before having to be at work at 4 am! I remember feeling so energetic, and the need for coffee was not there. I was able to push through my day and was able to fall asleep easily at night. There is no reason-absolutely none-that I can't get myself up in the morning and do some kind of activity for at least 30 minutes. Exercise has many benefits, the obvious being weight loss, but it releases endorphins which make you feel really good, kind of like chocolate does. :-) Another benefit is it makes your immune system stronger. You can fight off those infections more easily, or if you do get sick you're not down and out as long as most. I've found this to be true for me personally. When I exercise on a regular basis, I'm less stressed, sleep better, I don't get sick often, and in general feel happier.


Tomorrow I start my activity commitment. I am committing to at least 5 days a week of activity, whether it be Zumba, kickboxing, walking, or even skating. I have to do at least 30 minutes when I exercise, and would like to build up to an hour. I'd like to fit that in before I work. If I'm off work, I want to work out in the morning, and then again in the afternoon and evening. Ideally I could continue to lose weight on Weight Watchers without exercise if I follow the program to the letter, but for maximum results, and for my health I want to exercise. 


Below you can see how almost 33 pounds off of my body looks. Notice how my posture improved. I'm standing up straighter. A few people have said I look taller. Is it the heels? Is it the fact that I'm up close, or is it the fact that I have more confidence now? Do you think there's just a little sass in there too? You're damn right there is! 

All Aboard the Weight Loss Train!

Well, I'm happy to report that I am almost 11 pounds away from my next big goal. When I lose those 11 pounds I'll have lost 20% of my starting weight. I've lost 33.4 pounds so far! I'm not only under 200 pounds, but I'm under 190 pounds. I have not been under 190 since 1994. I still have a long way to go, however. 

I'm excited that some family members and friends have joined Weight Watchers! My oldest daughter joined, so did my cousin, his wife, 2 friends, and now another is considering it. Another good friend of mine is doing her own thing. She's even trying to step out of her comfort zone and get outdoors more and to the gym. She has agoraphobia, so it's rare that she goes out in public. She recently went out without her husband, which was a big accomplishment. I'm very proud of her! She's not only trying to change her lifestyle, she's trying to overcome her fears. I'm not sure if her recent weight loss has been an inspiration, but no matter what, it's good to see her doing so well. 

That same friend suggested I start my own weight loss group on Facebook. That's what I did! There are a few of us that share our ideas, concerns, vent, and we share recipes, too. Most of all we do what we can to motivate each other and keep things positive. I'm starting to feel like I could really be a role model. This group has helped me realize that I'm capable of being a good leader if I push my doubts and fears aside. People are actually willing to listen to me. It feels good to be heard! 

I'm 4'11". I'm what you call "vertically challenged". I want it to be known though, that since I've lost this weight, I've gained so much confidence, support and love. With all that, I feel like the tallest woman in the world. 

I love Myself!

No, I'm not full of myself or conceited. I really love myself. It took some time for me to feel this way. I've looked at myself for years and thought that I have a pretty face, BUT I'm fat. I have a pretty face, BUT I have a big butt, etc. Today, there are no BUTS! I still have a butt, though, lol!! Seriously though, even if I'm still a work in progress, I can look at myself and like and accept what I see. I have pretty eyes, a nice smile, and my body is starting to show my natural curves that have been hidden under fat. I like taking pictures of myself, because I like what I'm seeing these days. I have many pounds to go before I reach my weight loss goal, however, if I didn't have the confidence I do now I wouldn't be losing weight. Negativity gets me nowhere. Saying I'm a fat slob just provides the opposite results and sends me diving into the refrigerator for comfort food. I've had to tell myself that I AM a beautiful person that is worthy of love and who can accomplish anything and that positive self talk is working. 

I encourage anyone who needs to lose some weight to think about the reasons you want to lose the weight. Is it because someone else (besides a doctor) is telling you to lose weight? Is someone telling you that you're ugly, fat, etc? Do you see other women or men and compare yourself to them? Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Do it for you and your health. Do it because you want live a longer healthier life. If someone in your life is being a negative influence, maybe they don't deserve to be around you. Consider dropping those negative people and I bet the pounds will come off faster. 

Celebrate each success. When you lose that first 5 pounds do something for yourself that's not related to food. Get a pedicure, buy a top, or something else you've had your eye on. Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF! Don't beat yourself up. Be good to both your body and spirit. 

Confessions of an Emotional Eater

I'd like to say that this blog entry is like the rest: full of inspiration and gung ho advice about weight loss and exercise, but it's not. It's about how I have totally fallen off the wagon this past week. 

I started a new job. I love it. I've met lots of new people, my trainer was great, and customers have been so patient and understanding of the newbie ringing up their groceries. Every night (except tonight) I've gone home emotionally and physically drained. I haven't had the energy to go to Zumba class, or even to cook. I did, however cook twice I think. I also went to a Body Plus Abs class, which entailed step aerobics and weights. After I left that class I remember feeling so sore, yet so accomplished. Then things just went downhill after that. 

I found myself eating McDonald's, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, sweet and sour chicken-just a bunch of crap! Last night I was making these buffalo burgers from a recipe I got at www.skinnytaste.com. The recipe called for 100% LEAN buffalo meat and I thought that's what I had, but I had grabbed one that said it was 100% Buffalo. That meant the points value of my meal skyrocketed. I figured since I'd already blown it, I may as well eat more tortilla chips with guacamole dip, so I did. I think that even later that evening I had more. This morning I went to breakfast and had corned beef hash, stuffed hash browns, eggs and toast. Believe me, I felt SO disgusted after that meal. My tummy hurt for hours, and I felt weighed down, just like all the other meals. 

When I think back to each crappy meal I had, there was some emotion associated with each one. Take for instance, breakfast. I was frustrated at my boyfriend's son for leaving a dish full of cereal in the sink. When I had the extra chips and dip last night, I was upset I had gotten the wrong meat and figured what the hell? When I got the burger from McDonald's, I was hungry, yet I was feeling really happy about my new job. There is not always a negative emotion to trigger someone like me to eat. 

I thought I had broken this cycle. I've come to realize, however, that it's going to take more time. I'm still a rookie when it comes to having a healthier lifestyle. I really hadn't beaten myself up about all of this until today. I wasn't calling myself names, but I was telling myself I know better! My tummy has been aching a bit all day. That's punishment enough. No need for me to add the negative self talk.

How am I going to get out of this funk? Well, I just have to keep reminding myself why I started this journey-I want to live a longer, healthier life. I've come so far and I can't blow it. I have to start tracking my meals again and STOP making excuses. 

It's time to stop messing around, and kick ass and take initials because I have no time to take names!

A Thank You to My Ex

Have you ever loved someone so much, and when things didn't work out you wondered where YOU went wrong? Did you ask, "Why doesn't he (or she) want to be with me?" "What did I do wrong?" Did you think that once things ended with them you'd never find someone as good as them or you'd never find love again?


This was me last year. I was with someone for 8 months, and the warning signs were there in the early stages of our relationship telling me I should get out but I ignored them. To make a long story short, I got tired of feeling last. I knew I'd never be first because of his children, but I never, ever wanted to FEEL last. So, I said goodbye, and then I regretted it almost immediately.  I practically begged him to come back, but he refused. My ego was bruised big time. I cried every night for a couple of months. I asked myself "Why didn't he fight for me?"
"What's wrong with ME?" Even after I entered a new relationship these questions haunted me in the beginning. It wasn't fair to the new man in my life either, who from the beginning gave me the attention I craved. He has a son, but not once have I felt I'm less important. I sure was a mess last year!


Fast forward to this year. Since I've begun my weight loss journey as I call it, I've come to realize that there is NOTHING wrong with me. Ok, so maybe I do need some fine tuning, but what I'm trying to say is just because he didn't want to be with me forever it doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It doesn't mean that I'm not a fantastic person. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve the best. The breakup wasn't all on me. I did what I had to do because I DO deserve total devotion and happiness. I AM a beautiful person that doesn't need to settle. Most of all, it's HIS loss, and not mine. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but I can say with confidence now, that when he let me walk out of his life, he was missing out. Look how far I've come. I'm not just losing weight, I'm gaining confidence. I've talked about this before. How hot is it to have a pretty woman next to you that not only loves you, but loves and believes in herself? I was a defeated, beat down, and emotional mess last June. Today I am strong. I am beautiful. I want to thank my ex for not taking me back because for one I found someone wonderful who CAN love me the way I need and deserve, and for two, I realize I don't have to settle and accept everything. I'm not afraid to speak up if I'm unhappy. The old Tamara would have just kept her mouth shut or kept crying. That crybaby has left the building.